Faith is an easier word to throw around than to understand

I have always been one not to use the word faith too much, not as a conscious effort, but because for me its meaning is so limitless, so past understanding, that I have feared, when I wanted to use the word, minimizing it. It is a word, though, that I often use in my writing, especially in my private journal entries as an admonishment to myself - Have faith, Katya. Have faith.

Living in the rural countryside I tend to forget what is going on in the rest of the world. I forget poverty, I forget war, and I forget the fierce struggle that many Americans are going through. Only when a relative of mine said, in much distress, that she had taken a huge loss because of the stock market plunge, and that her portfolio had gone done a third, did I begin to understand how much fear pervades our society.

Our country was, at its founding, built on the honorable ideas of freedom - freedom to think the way we chose, freedom to worship as we chose, and freedom to speak as we chose. And, most importantly, God was on our founders' tongues and pens. Now I see very little of God. Many talk of God, but how many truly are faithful? I find, and I am no exception, that what concerns most of us is money and what it represents - security. I have this particular job and this insurance plan, and I have so much in my savings account, therefore I am safe, I am secure. With the state of our economy at present, this security has been shaken.

My husband and I have never been rich, nor do we expect ever to be, but I also knew, if only subconsciously, that we had someone to turn to always, and that never would I have to worry about losing everything. No longer is this the case and I am confronted with a certain fear that I have never had to experience, but I also am thankful for my fear because it made me realize how much faith I do lack. I also realize that much of my identification, which I want to come from God, actually comes from my maiden name, my family and my education. I have made many decisions not to go a certain way, but have chosen a more strenuous one for which I am grateful, but I also knew somewhere, as I was making those decisions, that I was not, in fact, giving up everything. There was an entitled dignity that I have carried along with me that is based much more on where I come from than who I am in Christ.

Who am I without my possessions, without my knowledge, without my bloodline? Who am I stripped to nothingness? I am rather superficial actually, and I am not a woman of extreme faith. But, glory be to God, that today this has been revealed to me, so that I do have the time to repent.

Many Americans are waiting for our President elect to fix things, many anxiously flip through the newspaper to see how many points the DOW fell or rose, but this hope for better times is not necessarily rooted in Christ, and our fear is not for our soul but for our "security."

The bridegroom will come like a thief in the night and will we be ready? Will our souls be in such a state that we can receive God's mercy? Do we really have faith? When we say - Thy will be done - do we understand what we are saying?

"Just have faith!" We say - the bumper sticker cliche that is so easy to repeat. But it isn't just have faith. Faith is a grace given, not something we can obtain by talking about it or thinking about, but something we must ardently strive for at all times. And I think the proof of our faith is when we wake every morning, crossing ourselves, our first thought being to lift up our hearts to God, and not to fear this world. There is no place for fear if our faith is in Christ.

So, thank you God for these uncertain times, thank you for stripping us of all that which is unnecessary, and for taking away our worldly security, for hopefully, in this we will learn to put all our hope in You.