I remember Father Thomas Hopko once saying that if you do not believe in evil, just try to be good. I have tried to be good, and I have seen the evil one try to bring me to the ground. I have been slothful and self indulgent, and felt very little struggle. Good does not come naturally except to children and those who have the minds of children. To be good takes courage, great effort - to be good means to step into the arena, ready to fight, ready to endure, to be defeated, and then rise again.
Anne Frank writes in her diary that she believes everyone is, deep down, good at heart. This shows tremendous goodness and compassion on her part, as she tried to understand what kind of world allowed such terrible things to happen, and how human beings could treat other human beings in such horrendous ways, but I would have to disagree with her statement. Our framework is from God, is good and holy, for we are created in His image and likeness, but we choose to either build on this framework or to tear it down. We can become so bound by Satan that Christ becomes unrecognizable in us. It is a terrifying image, but it is a true image.
I often fall into an argument with my mother on this very subject. She does not believe in evil, and she finds Anne Frank's statement true and one she lives by. I commend her for this, as she often tries to explain people's behavior not from the stance of good and evil, but from her psychologist's perspective. There is a psychological reason for everything, but she would adamantly disagree with me that we are in the midst of a great warfare for each of our souls.
This is not to say we are to be the judges - only God can judge - or that we can always blame our sinful behavior on the devil, but we are to recognize evil so that we can properly combat it.
I write this today on Great and Holy Tuesday, as I have found, starting with the Bridegroom service on Sunday night, that many circumstances have made it almost impossible for me to have a good and prayerful Holy Week. I came to the service expecting a choir - not one member showed up. I tried to cut a few things in order to save my voice, and by so doing, disrupted what the priest was supposed to do, thus making him perturbed and frustrated with me. A cell phone went off during the reading of the Gospel. Sasha threw a fit. Pavel threw up during a reading from the Kathisma. Yesterday he was diagnosed with an ear infection and I couldn't get to Presanctified. My husband and I have been fighting. I have not attended to my personal prayer. In the midst of all of this - at one point I sat on the steps of the church in tears, so angry I was prepared not to attend any more services for the rest of the week - I see that the evil one is truly at work. He does not want us to be in Church. He does not want us to pray. He wants us to be at enmity with one another, and to walk away angry and in despair, to not partake of the Risen Christ. My realization of this does not excuse my behavior, but it makes me aware that if I am going to attend to the week, I must be vigilant, armed with prayer and asceticism. It is right that I suffer, for by so doing, I am partaking of Christ's passion. As I sit on the steps outside of the church angry and frustrated, I understand only a small part of how Christ must have felt going to His voluntary Passion. But what I have that the disciples did not, is the knowledge of the Resurrection, that all of this will end in victory, even if it does not feel like it at the moment. I must endure to the end as Christ did, knowing Satan will lay out temptations every step of the way. I know I will fall, grow weary. I know I will despair, but my goal is not to despair utterly. Each time I fall, I must rise, pick up my cross, and continue along the way of Christ.
Anne Frank writes in her diary that she believes everyone is, deep down, good at heart. This shows tremendous goodness and compassion on her part, as she tried to understand what kind of world allowed such terrible things to happen, and how human beings could treat other human beings in such horrendous ways, but I would have to disagree with her statement. Our framework is from God, is good and holy, for we are created in His image and likeness, but we choose to either build on this framework or to tear it down. We can become so bound by Satan that Christ becomes unrecognizable in us. It is a terrifying image, but it is a true image.
I often fall into an argument with my mother on this very subject. She does not believe in evil, and she finds Anne Frank's statement true and one she lives by. I commend her for this, as she often tries to explain people's behavior not from the stance of good and evil, but from her psychologist's perspective. There is a psychological reason for everything, but she would adamantly disagree with me that we are in the midst of a great warfare for each of our souls.
This is not to say we are to be the judges - only God can judge - or that we can always blame our sinful behavior on the devil, but we are to recognize evil so that we can properly combat it.
I write this today on Great and Holy Tuesday, as I have found, starting with the Bridegroom service on Sunday night, that many circumstances have made it almost impossible for me to have a good and prayerful Holy Week. I came to the service expecting a choir - not one member showed up. I tried to cut a few things in order to save my voice, and by so doing, disrupted what the priest was supposed to do, thus making him perturbed and frustrated with me. A cell phone went off during the reading of the Gospel. Sasha threw a fit. Pavel threw up during a reading from the Kathisma. Yesterday he was diagnosed with an ear infection and I couldn't get to Presanctified. My husband and I have been fighting. I have not attended to my personal prayer. In the midst of all of this - at one point I sat on the steps of the church in tears, so angry I was prepared not to attend any more services for the rest of the week - I see that the evil one is truly at work. He does not want us to be in Church. He does not want us to pray. He wants us to be at enmity with one another, and to walk away angry and in despair, to not partake of the Risen Christ. My realization of this does not excuse my behavior, but it makes me aware that if I am going to attend to the week, I must be vigilant, armed with prayer and asceticism. It is right that I suffer, for by so doing, I am partaking of Christ's passion. As I sit on the steps outside of the church angry and frustrated, I understand only a small part of how Christ must have felt going to His voluntary Passion. But what I have that the disciples did not, is the knowledge of the Resurrection, that all of this will end in victory, even if it does not feel like it at the moment. I must endure to the end as Christ did, knowing Satan will lay out temptations every step of the way. I know I will fall, grow weary. I know I will despair, but my goal is not to despair utterly. Each time I fall, I must rise, pick up my cross, and continue along the way of Christ.
2 comments:
I often get carried away with the beauty of Holy Week, and I do think that this is one of my favorite times in the Church year, but this is also such a true depiction of what this week can inevitably hold in store. It is always really encouraging to read what you have to say, and this does remind me to be ready for discouragement, conflict, and temptation this week.
It is not surprising that the evil one seems to be more ready this Holy Week, then all of Great Lent. Know that all of us are struggling and that because you shared your struggle with other, we are able to pray for you, which I pray, will strengthen you, so you can bear your cross. Mine seems heavier each day we draw closer to Pascha, but as you said, we have hope in the Resurrection of our Savior!
I will light a candle for you this evening, Matushka.
In the love of Christ...
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