Because there are other things that are more important

"Fear and tremling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me. And I say, "O that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yea, I would wander afar, I would lodge in the wilderness, I would haste to find me a shelter from the raging wind and tempest."
- from Psalm 55

Today I was incredibly, almost frighteningly sad. It has been a long time since I was really depressed, and I had forgotten almost what it was like. I was driving home and both my children were asleep in their car seats. It was late afternoon. The sky was a dull blue, and with each hill I drove over I was confronted with the same image - brown, forlorn grass, white and red farm houses, one or two elm trees, a few crisp brown leaves dangling from their dark branches. There was no oncoming traffic and I felt very much alone, that I did not belong in this place, this life, that I had nothing to offer to anyone anymore.

When I arrived at my house, my children woke up. Pavel needed to be fed and Sasha needed help getting out of the car. Melancholia still loomed over me, but I realized I had duties that had to be attended to, whether or not I felt like it.

While putting away the groceries, Florence called, and her sweet, Midwestern voice filled the room. I boasted proudly of my going to the Pediatrician's, the grocery store and the wine store with two children at peak hour without once losing my cool.

"I'm so proud of you," she said. Florence also hates grocery shopping, especially when it is crowded, and like me, manages to run her cart into at least one person while turning a corner. We talked for a little while about each of our days, and then she told me that she had seen on the news that three more soldiers had died in Iraq - three human souls with families - young, full of life, and now they're gone.

I have no more words, only that I do not know how these families will do it. Somehow they will have to do it, though. They will have to continue to live without the men who were the most precious to them.

How unimportant I and all my silly emotions became in that moment, when I was confronted with what real sadness is, when I realized that all these things we take for granted can be taken from us in an instant.